In order for your child to hear you, you need to first listen to them

When your child pulls the latest thing down off the shelf and throws the toy across the room and your patience is worn thin. Your child is not "behaving" as you think they should.

You are exhausted from everything else in your life and this just feels like an attack against you from the world. What should you do?

First of all - take a time out. Not putting your child in a corner kind of time out. No, take a moment to take a deep breath and muster all that you can to move through the sitation and then stop to realize.

When there is a problem, there is pain.

Let me put it in the adult way for you. Which time are you more likely to respond in a calm manner to someone? On the day you are happy, praised at work, complimented by your family, and generally feeling relaxed - are you likely to yell at someone for no apparent reason? Now imagine you drive through a big traffic jam, your dog just threw up on the floor, your boss is making unreasonable demands and someone else is yelling at you. How much more likely are you to argue with someone when they happen to call you out of the blue? You really aren't mad at that person, but they might get the brunt of your frustration with life.

So, remember that your child is a little person who can't always sort out why they are hurting and articulate it. So, when they are acting out or causing behavior that is not desirable, can you look for what is the underlying need or hurt that needs to be addressed?

The more you tune out when your kids are trying to share with you, the more that your kids will tune you out.

So take time to connect with your child, listen to your child, and play together. Then from that space, you can work together to shape behavior.

When my child had a toothache, there was a lot of crazy behavior and acting out. It took me quite awhile to keep asking questions and trying to figure out what was going on. When we finally got to the dentist and realized there were two cavities that needed filling, I started to understand why all the crazy behavior.

So, when you are struggling with your child. Stop to ask if there is pain that needs to be solved? Is there hunger or hurt or emotional needs unfulfilled? When we keep an open heart, we allow our children to guide themselves and us to a place where we can be of best help to them.

Do you need more positive books to share with your kids? Check out the first book of the Gender Rainbow series - Can’t Transitions to Can: With a Friend Who’s True Blue.