This is a two-part series about my visit to the dolmen site, on a hillside near the town I was living in of Kodaikanal. To learn more about how I found out about the dolmens and their meaning read Part 1 first.
There were several dolmens in this particular area and I paused awhile and tried to feel the energy in each spot, but this particular one, the grandmother energy there, was the one where I felt I could hear a voice. I think maybe that the souls from the other dolmens did not have a message for me, or they were simply being silent so that I would know who I needed to tune in to.
I was drawn specifically to this particular dolmen and felt that the soul of the woman who resided here was versed in knowledge about fertility, pregnancy, and birth. I could see in my mind’s eye, this woman with long flowing white hair standing on the mountainside and sharing her womb knowledge with others. I had thought about doing work before as a fertility coach, but I worked to put some workshops together and I didn't know how to market it, so I didn't have any sign-ups. But, when I was in this space, I felt really drawn to knowing again that this was the work I was supposed to do. This is the work that will continue to transform me and help other women in the process.
So, when I came back to this sacred spot several weeks later, I brought my journal and told my friend that I needed some time just to quietly write. (This is my way of getting messages from those who have passed on from this world.) And I sat under the shade of the tree and simply watched the birds and looked out. These are the messages shared with me on that day in April of 2014:
This is where the soul can soar free.
When the space of my spirit rests in the bosom of these hills.
Feel the air.
We bring you here to see the world from a different view.
We had the wisdom to paint when there were no brushes.
With wild green and sea-tossed colors.
All around you look and listen.
The call of all things green and living.
Plant the seeds of the next generation.
Go into the future life.
Open your ears and eyes to the sacred.
The birds flying over will connect you to this ancient energy.
I chose this spot to preside over the beauty of the hillside.
My love radiates
to all who come.
Open your heart chakra to my wisdom.
Love must come forth.
Purge yourself of all the unclean thoughts
and give over to the love that will drench your soul.
In order to bring a child into this world in love, you must be conscious co-creators.
There is so much noise in your modern society.
So much distraction.
Let that melt.
And be here now.
After listening, we took quite a few pictures in that area and just hung out and talked. Many times after I would meditate and think about this grandmother of the dolmens and it was only a few months later, after moving back to the US from India that I started to video chat with someone I met at a dance event years before. Mattias is from Stockholm, Sweden and after only a few months of talking, I started to make plans to find a job and move to Stockholm so that we could have a child together. I had told him of my intention to become a single mom by choice and he stepped forward and said he wanted to be the one to have a child with me. We actually started our relationship agreement with simply a promise to have a child together. And we would see later if we wanted to be romantic partners. I had read in the Ringing Cedars books that if you created a sacred space of love, by nurturing your health and your surroundings and planting a garden together that you could create a totally different bond with your partner. As we nurtured our friendship and I carved out space for myself in the bachelor pad, we learned to communicate and share together. 5 months after arriving, we found out we were pregnant at our first check-in with a fertility clinic doctor. I believe we conceived sometime around the 26th of December. In the book series, Anastasia talks about how only if you believed you would be a mother of a holy child (such as Mary, mother of Jesus) would you actually birth a holy child. I had many recordings of music that were songs about Mary and I used to think about this concept often, so I think it was interesting when my son was conceived around Christmas- that is celebrated as the birth of Jesus.
Here’s some of what I wrote in my journal on the 27th. . .
Dec 27, 2015
I want to reach out to others. Heal myself through helping others.
I saw my pregnant belly. I pictured our child.
I want to still the inner sadness that has poured forth from me for lack.
I wish to no longer feel that lack.
We live and breathe and exist in this sacred space of life.
Love is a gift- a blessing to everyone that sees the fruits.
I can clearly picture being on the side of the mountain where you see no trace of civilization. Visiting the dolmens. The air is clear and I can breathe more easily.
I can open up my heart to the universe and it will expand my capacity for love.
My child, Emanuel (meaning God with us) was born in 2016, 11 years after I first tried to conceive. To read more about the story of my child's conception and music I wrote while I was waiting, read here. If you wish to tap into this same wisdom, I encourage you to ask a question and look at the pictures I have shared to help you in finding the intuitive answers.
Keep believing the future that you seek is possible.
And if you need help along your journey to fertility, loss or pregnancy - reach out to me or join our mailing list.